FACING LIFE’S UNSATISFACTORINESS
Life is suffering, or so the common English translation of the Buddha’s words tells us. The recorded word he said was “Dukkha”. Understanding dukkha is one of the most important teachings in Buddhism and Zen. Often other words translated into English from dukkha are stress, anxiety, unsatisfactoriness, and the one that seems to fit it quite well, life does not satisfy.
To say that life doesn’t satisfy seems pessimistic, but it’s not. It just how things are. To say that life is suffering seems so pessimistic, but that’s the nature of suffering. It’s neither pessimistic nor optimistic, it’s the reality of every single human that has ever come into being. It has no preferences and it certainly doesn’t care who it affects.
There are different areas of suffering or “dukkhas” that affect our lives. One is a physical and mental sort of suffering. Think of physical things that happen to our bodies whether we want them or not. Things like getting older, being hungry, knee pain when walking, or even something more severe or chronic. The mental aspect of suffering affects us when we get mad, frustrated, or worry about paying rent next month.
Another type of suffering comes from life itself that we can’t control. It’s the never-ending cycle of change that life throws us into. We win the love lottery today, lose it tomorrow. We have a great day at work then we arrive home, our electricity has been shut off so our favorite food we planned to cook has spoiled. They say in some states, if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes, it’ll change. I’d say, if you’re happy or unhappy, wait five minutes, it’ll change.
The last type of suffering is the all-compassing one. It’s the more difficult one to recognize, but once we do it gives the most relief. It’s probably what, deep down, led many of us to seek and search for the answer to why we’re here. It is the question of existence, anxiety, and not wanting to be seen naked. It’s a tricky one because it’s often hidden in the shadows. But it’s always there, even though we don’t can’t see it clearly.
WHY DO WE TURN AWAY?
We turn away from the suffering experienced in life. It seems like it’s our natural tendency when faced with anything unpleasant. It’s like we have this hope that if we turn away from it, it’ll just go away. Yet, we somehow know it won’t go away. We’d rather not be bogged down with the bad, I mean, after all, life is short, carpe diem! When I get lost in the day and not be present, I could always find something else to turn to if faced with anything I didn’t like.
But here’s the thing, being present takes the power away from things we make up in our minds.
A Zen monk once said that he is at peace with his unpeacefulness. When I heard him, it was an immediate reminder to face the unsatisfactoriness of life. He wasn’t denying, bypassing, or anything other than directly at his unpeacefulness and without fear. He was an example of living out the teaching of the Buddha’s first Noble Truth.
I’ve experienced much of the “life does not satisfy” aspect of this truth. Here’s an example. I would inherently be pulled in two directions by my mind. That caused so much tension in me. If I sat on a park bench and watched ducks waddle around a pond’s edge I’d be consumed about being at dinner later that night. I would disrupt the peaceful moments with thoughts about the future. Then, when I’d get to dinner, the restaurant would be busy and loud. Then, I couldn’t help myself. I’d go inside my head, return to the water’s edge wishing we were sitting with the ducks, and thus completely miss the stillness that was in the chaos. That may seem contradictory to some but be assured that the stillness pervades everything, everywhere, and everyone. We just don’t recognize that it’s there.
HOW TO CREATE MORE SUFFERING
The unsatisfactoriness grows when we turn away from it. That creates more unease and unhappiness. Then, we punish ourselves for turning away. Then, we punish ourselves even more for turning away in the first place, and fight with ourselves because we might feel guilt or shame because we did something that we knew wouldn’t work. We ask ourselves things like, “why did I do that? I know better than that, ugh, I have to do better!”
Seems like a familiar cycle that many mystics warn us about. Buddha’s parable about two arrows.
“Suppose a man is struck by a poisoned arrow and a doctor wants to take out the arrow immediately. Suppose the man does not want the arrow removed until he knows who shot it, his age, his parents, and why he shot it. What would happen? If he were to wait until all these questions have been answered, the man might die first.”
Christ even warned us when he said,
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
We worry about many unnecessary things. So, then, the question is how do we face it so that it loses its power?
HOW TO FACE LIFE’S UNSATISFACTORINESS
To face it is to question yourself about what you’re ultimately craving. This means we must go below what we think it is that we’re craving. Think of it like concentric rings. On the outside ring, we have a craving that is very surface-level. It’s the easiest one to latch on to because it’s far away from us. It’s not so attached to us. But as we dig deeper into what we’re craving, it’s revealed that what we thought was the initial craving has become deeper and closer to us.
To illustrate this, let me use a situation we’ve all experienced – avoiding someone.
So, you’re in a grocery store rushing down the aisles to pick up a few things to cook dinner. Then, as you’re rummaging through the vegetables – you hear it. A voice says, “Hey there, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You immediately cringe because you already know who it is. You’d know that voice a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e. Before you even look in their direction, you’re creating scenarios in your mind to escape the situation. In a flash, that to-do list from 3-weeks ago is now a top priority. You’re consumed with racing thoughts, I hope they don’t ask about so and so. I gotta get out of here. I can’t stand them. How can I not be mean, but get away from them…it goes on and on while politely pretending you’re interested in what they’re saying. Meanwhile, your stomach is in knots, your face is flush, and you’d rather the tomatoes start exploding so you could get away. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they say bye and push their cart past you and around the corner.
You survived. You made it. Then, before they get down the next aisle, you’re thinking about how annoying they are, and didn’t they know you’re in a rush to get home? I mean, come on!
You created much more suffering by wanting to be somewhere else.
This has helped me see tremendously since I first practiced it.
- Be present.
- Inquire about what you’re craving (or attached to) in opposition to what’s happening.
It takes practice. When I first started practicing this, it was after an encounter like the one in the grocery store that I’d ask myself, what was I craving, what was I attached to? Much of the time when I continued to dig for the answer, it had nothing to do with them.
It’s by being present with what’s happening.
How different would life be if we cut through this mental cycle instead of our own hearts? This would allow us to quit craving something different that what we’ve got at that moment (unsatisfactoriness with something).
